Catch UP

Hey y'all! Sorry it's been so long... I've been spending most of my computer time downloading music onto el lap top in order to make gay-ipod up to par before I left for Ottawa-- Where I am now!

This is such a pretty city, our hotel is right downtown in the middle of the action. I'm walking distance from restaurants and clubs, as well as the river and canal! The buildings here are so cool, the architecture is amazing, especially the parliament buildings. I cannot wait for Canada day! Last night my mom and her friend and I hit up some night life. The guys here love that I can speak french! Not to mention that there are SO many hot black guys here! I've seen two that were comparable to S on my hotness scale, and that's pretty much impossible back home.

I've come to a realization though. They say that absense either makes the heart grow fonder... or the other way around. S is amazing in every way... He's absolutely gorgeous, kind, thoughtful, caring, great in bed, rich, fit, understanding, smart, supportive. He's not the one though. I don't have that longing I-need-you feeling. It makes me sad. I want us to be forever... I know we will last for a long time though, we have a deep seeded understanding and even though he's not the one I know that what we have is special. I miss him so much!

Work is alright, but I've realized that I do not want to be a server for much longer. It's just not for me! I've been doing really well and making money, but I truly just wanna get to the point and get on stage! I've been watching the girls and learning lots, now all I have to do is get my body and my show up to par and I will be up there.

NOW EVERYONE WELCOME TO THE STAGE...LUCKY LUXXXXXIE! <3

MONEY MAKES ME CUM

I need a freak to hold me tight
I need a freak every day and every night
I need a freak with long, long hair
A super freak in underwear
I need a freak - Too Short

Don't judge, just do what you gotta do to get that cash, and if what you gotta do just happens to be shakin your half naked ass in a cage for drunks at their bachelor party, then all the power to you! Although it was exhausting, I had a ball! Most guys were quite gentlemanly and the girls loved me too! I made $500 this weekend, ah!! It was so fun changing outfits. I wore a white bikini, skimpy black dress, purple lace lingerie, black corsette with zebra briefs, etc.

A few lines I heard this weekend:

"You're the hottest little thing in this club"
"Your body is perfection"
"How much to bring you back to my hotel?"
"How much to marry you?"
"I SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU"
"I love the smell of your sweat"
"You are fufulling so many fantasies for me right now"
"How much to see your tits?"

Plus many more!!! Now as these all seem flattering at first, I'm sure you can see how it would become tiresome hearing empty compliments all night. Just like I will shake my ass and wink provocatively to make you THINK I will go home with you, I'm sure the guys will say anything to try to get in my pants. Everything is fake and meaningless, it truly is. As guys walked passed my cage I didn't take in my normal observations like their hair, hands, and shoes. All I saw was a big dollar sign on top of their heads. Terrible! But nonetheless, enjoyable.

On a side note, I also got a job at another, much classier strip club where I start serving tonight! Wish me luck!

annnd Voila!!

Drumroll please...


MEET LUCKY LUXIE : CAGE-DANCER!


Earlier in the week S brought me around to the strip clubs in search of a job. One phone call and interview with a shady looking biker-type and woot woot: Friday at 9 I start wearing ridiculously skanky clothes, shaking my ass and drinking liquor for cash! I will get $50 for the work (4 hours), and my very own bar tab to "get loose" before I hop in my cage. I suppose I shouldn't be disappointed... but I guess I was expecting something a little more... legit than that. But everyone's gotta start somewhere right?

Shei says I'm insane. Am I really? Besides the fact that I'm going to be a sweaty drunk mess after dancing for god knows who, I think it should be pretty damn fun! Not too much different from what I would normally be doing on a Friday night. Plus if I keep this up I will be in great shape! I just hope my thighs don't fall off the next day!

Love Is Gone

They'll never hurt you like I do, no, no
Konstantine - Something Corporate

Last night I went out with P and a bunch of other friends who were visiting from out of town. P is always very... touchy when we are out together even though he has a new girlfriend and he knows about S and I. I don't really mind this because having him around is amazing company, like having your long lost best friend pop back into your life. Since we were together for so long I feel really confortable with him, and even enjoy having that bit of physical contact when we are around each other. It is familiar and... natural. Last night went too far though.

P came and picked me up and hung around with my little brother while I got ready. We drove to meet up with my friends soon after, listening to cd's from when we used to be together. We laughed and remembered how things used to be. "Fix You" by Coldplay was our song. Haha, healthy relationship, huh? I do miss him sometimes though, but I know it's not as much as he misses me. Part of what I learned from our relationship is what I do not want in a man, and how I never want to rely on someone as much as I used to rely on him.

Drinking persued as we met and greeted friends of friends. The club was a blast, I definitely made it on to the stripper pole a few times! I'd start out lifting my right leg up as high as possible and jumping up a bit as I flung myself around the pole to the delight of all. "You're way too good at that" said P. Way to go Luxie! He was absolutely adorable when he tried to dance because he has NO skills. Good times had by all. Besides the fact that I spent WAY too much money... tsk tsk.

Afterwards we headed to my girlfriend's apartment where blazing weed and drinking continued. P joined me in the guest room after I made some killer macaroni and proceeded to pressure me into getting with him. I've told him a hundred times that besides the occaisional pec or "I love you" I just want to be friends now. I felt SO guilty... S is so good to me and he deserves the best. After a stern talking to P agreed to just cuddle. The weird thing is that after he thought I was asleep he started squeezing me and breathing hard. "I wish you loved me as much as I love you..." he whispered. Awwweh, make me cry right now why don't you!!

I've never once broken up with a boy and I think the reason for that is I just absolutely hate hurting people! Seeing P in that condition over me was absolute torture... I truly do want the best for this man, I just don't think that's me! Am I being selfish by still hanging around him? It's been over a year since we split up and we've only been talking again for about two months, every two weeks or so. He has another girlfriend so I assumed he had moved on... This really rocks my world but I know that S is the right guy for me, right now at least. Sorry P! You know I will love you forever.

Eff technology

After over 9 days of agrivating fruitless ipod ownership I'm almost at the end of my leash. I've attempted to return the thing to the grotesque department store it came from, denied. Telephoned said department store concierge service for technical support, denied. Transfered to apple help service and after 75 minutes of precious Luxie-time discovered that it is not the ipod's fault, but the fault of my parents' ancient computer. Said ipod works perfectly on laptop, however laptop contains 0 of my 3000-song + 10 movie library. My mother is entertaining guests in approx. 15 minutes and I'm still here, still unshowered, and still pissed off.

STRIPPER!

Diamonds do you justice only because your beauty shines like a ring
The Pearl - The Trews

You might be wondering why I've subscribed to strippers' blogs in my blog list. This is beacuse I might possibly be an aspiring stripper! For the past few months I've been throwing the idea around in my head... or wait. I suppose S has been doing the throwing.

You see, on March 21 I had my very first stripper experience. It was spectacular! She was a gorgeous Taylor Swift look alike with flowing blonde hair and long, tanned legs. She came on stage with a skin-tight purple cat suit on. She teased the crowd, first whipping the stage with her chain-like leash and then swirling her tail in hypnotising circles. She was a godess on stage and she held everyone's attention like a magnet. You could just tell that she was having the time of her life. She smiled and purred, giving me a wink (I'm sure of it!). After the show I had her come over to our table and slyly shook her hand as I screamed out "I'VE FOUND MY CALLING!!" She laughed and signed my poster "To S and Luxie, may you be in love forever". What a night!

A few days later S sat me down and asked me if i had meant what I said about wanting to be a stripper. "Yeah... I suppose I could..." I said, unsure. I do want to but I've always been a bad girl stuck with a good girl's conscience. Once again, I am undecided on this topic. S on the other hand thinks it's a wonderful idea and is very supportive. He says he will manage me and take me travelling to far away places to make mad cash. He is willing to invest whatever it takes to get me started because he expects it will benefit both of us in the long run.

Pros of stripping:

-Money$$!

-I would be forced to make my body my primary priority (as I always strive to do) by working out, sleeping and eating right, getting flexible, tanning, getting boobs (?).

-I could look back on my life and say, "You kn0w what? I'm damn proud of myself for doing something so...CRAZY, SPECTACULAR, SCARY, SEXY!

-Great way to make money for car, apartment, clothes, tuition, etc before I go to university.

-I could travel around with K and become famous! (I know this is a little naiive but if I'm going to be a stripper I'm going to go for it all the way and be the most famous stripper that ever lived!

Cons of stripping:

-My family could never approve and therefore could never know.

-I might fail.

-Grimey guys might make me feel degraded.

-It's just not "right". I will be judged.

In spite of these lists I find myself as undecided as ever. Sometime soon S is taking me to one of the nicer strip clubs in my town to apply for a serving job. I want to make money and see what it is really like in the industry. I will do my homework before making any major decisions, I promise you that!

Love, actually??

I've been away too long
And every day i missed you more
You look like you did before, only prettier
Every day i love you more
Love you more - Armin Van Buuren

S; aquarius to my gemini, gorgeous in every sense of the word, kind and determined. He is everything I've ever wanted or hoped for in a lover. The only problem is there are some things I didn't want... But nobody's perfect right?

Love is a funny thing. I've had it once before with P. When you're in love you just know... like it's some undeniable force within you. I didn't know it was there with S, in fact I'm pretty sure I knew it wasn't there. S was my play thing. I lusted after him night and day, indulging in the pleasures allowed by his controvercial lifestyle.

It's been 5 months since we've met and they've been anything but long! Time flies when I'm with my alluring lover. After about 3.5 months he told me he loved me, but it was after a night of long partying and I was unsure of his sincerity. Since then we've exchanged the occaisional "I love you" and as time passes it is starting to feel more natural.

I'm scared that I want to love him more than I actually do. But I also know that I'm scared to fall in love... Baggage is a bitch isn't it?

I guess my life starts... now?

Tell me that's you're alright, ya everything is alright...
Everything is Alright - Motion City Sountrack

I'm freshly 18, finishing grade 12 (without graduating) and scared as hell. I've never felt less self-assured. I feel lost, most of my friends continuing on to university or college while I sit in my parents' basement thinking about escaping this summer and never coming back. But I know that's the easy way out.

That's the constant in my life; taking the easy way out. I believe it's because that's the way things have always been... easy. Somehow, however, I'm here now feeling as if everything is hard as ever.

I won't give you my life story ... but here are some tid-bits of my life.

S: He's my rock, my love.

Lia: A more tanned version of myself two years ago. She is my little party-companion.

Shei: A friend from the past whose long-distance phone calls keep me sane. The always supportive and always accepting.

Leo: K's best friend and room-mate. He's got my back.

P: A passionate ex who keeps popping up from time to time...