Work and S

I'm dead, my body is a wreck! As much as I adore cagedancing it is starting to take a toll. My poor knees ache 24/7 and I'm sure people wonder why my knees are always staind black, haha. Luckily I've been offered a position serving and selling shooters! Unfortunately this means I have to put in my 2 week notice at current strip club serving job in order to avoid a conflict of interest. I'm sad to be leaving but I think I'm ready to move to a more competitive environment. There aren't any sections at my new place, so it will be harder work to sell drinks. I also know that there is a lot of money to be made though. Another plus is that I get to wear a sexy school girl uniform on the weekdays, lingerie on fridays and a sexy dress on saturdays! I'm so excited! Luxie's movin up =)

There have been ups and downs with S this week...

He suprised me with a karate monkey from build-a-bear! It's very unlikely for him to do something like that out of the blue. He also got me some tanning minutes at fabutan! Woop, I'll be lookin sexy! He finally got his motorcycle which looks something like this :



It goes so fast! I went on a quick ride the other day and it was so exhilirating. It's pretty freaky because S has only had 2 weeks experience, but I still feel safe with him. I LOVE BIKES!

Other than that though things with us have been... decent. I feel like I'm a burden to S. He is so busy, especially in the summertime when his work pretty much takes over his life. He's so determined and disciplined. The guy drug deals, owns 3 dogs, plays rugby, works out 2 hours per day, drives me to and from work when he has time, guitar lessons, and so much more! It's no wonder I feel like I'm on the back-burner sometimes. I know he does his best and he is truly a sweetheart, but sometimes I feel like it's not enough. He helps me out so much with rides and paying for me to take classes and whatnot... but when I think about my relationship that's not really what I'm interested in. I want his time and his love! I honestly cannot remember the last time he told me he loved me. I miss just spending the afternoon in each others presence doing whatever we felt like. Now I feel like he's too busy for me. I try to make plans and see him after work but by that time we're both exhausted. I want to give him my best but there's never enough time. I hope we can get through this patch unscathed.

Home Sweet Home

It's been a week since I got back home, and my my how amazing it has been! Shei picked me up from the airport and we proceeded to get completely hammered. Then she came to watch me dancing and we had a blast! It was our first time going out to the club together. It felt so surreal! 2 years ago when Shei first moved away I never could have imagined us dancing and drinking at the club! After all, we were just younguns then. I did have a few too many cocktails and ended up bashing my poor forehead on my cage bars! It's a good thing I was so hoped up on adrenaline and whiskey or else I would have cried!

There's another cage dancer now which makes sense since there are two cages, but I couldn't help feeling a little... betrayed. I thought I was THE CAGEDANCER, not just a cagedancer. I know I'm doing better than she is though, which is a great feeling. She has these massive H (YES H!!!) boobs that are hard as rocks. The rest of her body isn't anything special either, and her massive flotation devices keep her from doing any crazy dance moves like yours truly. I learned how to go upside down this weekend! Ow ow Luxie =)

I also talked to my boss about getting some serving shifts on the weekend because I've been noticing those girls making a lot more cash than me. Plus by the end of the weekend I am just DONE. 10 hours dancing can really take a lot out of you.

I had my very first pole dancing class! It's in a wide open cool room with lots of floor space and 5 gorgeous poles. There are mirrors all around and they have a great CD library! My classmates are two twenty something brits who are getting their groove back after giving birth, and a super sexy spaniard whose hip and butt circles make me cream my pants! She has a dancer background, her posture and isolation skills make that obvious. Next week we're doing our first spin, the firefighter.

I had a wonderful reunion with S. He got me a bear from build-a-bear. It's a karate monkey "stuffed with hugs, love S". Awwweh! We've been having great sex and convos and everything is just peachy. We went out for a few drinks last night and met up with his (super cute) cousin. I love being out with S. We just command attention. It's like we have the sun shining out our asses. We might as well be famous! Maybe it's the black/white or tall/short combinations. I really have no clue why, but when S is holding my hand in the club I feel like the foxiest little sex pot in the universe!

On a side-note...

40 of you fellow bloggers have stopped by my lovely home and not left any comments! WTF, what do you think this is, free lodging? You're all welcome here, the guest bedroom is all yours, but for a small fee:

COMMENTZZ PLEAZZ

Mama, Mama I'm Comin' Home!

You might see me in the spot
Ya boy think I'm hot
So I came up in here to get what you got
Lemme Get That - Rihanna

That's right bitchez, all my pouting around the house actually got me something, a plane ticket back home! It's only 3 days before my original flight, but still damn worth it. Watch out y'all, you'll be seeing me in the cage and damn right ladies you better watch out cuz your men are giving me their paychecks like giving chicken pox to a toddler!

What I'm looking forward to most:

1) Kinky nasty freaky sex with my man! 2) Ridin' his brand spankin' new crotch rocket! 1oooccs of power between my fine thighs, now that might be more exciting than hoping on his manhood! Plus I can debut my new white leather. 3) Cage dancin' 6 hours after I land on the homeland, woop! 4) Seeing Shei back at home for the first time and having her come watch me at work and getting wasted together! 5) Consoling Lia and catching up on all the partying I've missed out on this summer. 6) My bed, work, cash, etc!

BestFriendsForever (?)

Since I'm returning home so early I've decided to write a letter to Lia which I will give to her upon our reunion. This will give you a little insight into our relationship:

Lia, it's our time my love. It's actually been 5 years since I could actually say that I have a best friend, and I'm so glad that time is finally over. We have so much in common, I love that we can practically read each other's minds most of the time. We can get wild together, but we also know how to just chill. We're smart, we don't go overboard, you know? I think it's awesome cuz I know we can just do whatever without having to worry. We are gonna have so many amazing times in our lifetime. Bitchez ain't shit but hoes and tricks, but we're better than that.

Even though I'm starting a new chapter in my life I want you to remain a huge part of it. I know that might be hard because of how busy we are but know that I'm always here for you, for REAL! We are so alike. I can tell that you've seen some shit in your life which is what makes you so mature for your age. I've been through a lot too, so I wanna use my past experiences to help you get past the hard times. I just wish that when I was your age I had someone older to help me so I didn't have to learn all of my lessons the hard way.

If you ever need ANYTHING I want you to ask me, but also, if you ever find I'm being too over-bearing or giving you too much advice just let me know. I don't wanna seem or act like a know-it-all cuz I'm SO not... I can learn from you just as much as you can learn from me. I look at us as equals so don't get me wrong or anything. I'm not trying to be your big sister, cuz we're best buds yo! Just know that I'm lookin'out for you like a good friend should.

Every year I've been in school I've had mountains of trouble with friends. I've never stayed with the same group of people for very long because something always seemed to go wrong. Sometimes it was my fault and sometimes it was them, but regardless of who is at fault it really sucks losing friends. I've learned tons from it. It was really hard but it also taught me that no matter what there are always more people to meet and more (even better!) things to do!! Never dwell on the past or stick with friends who just aren't right anymore. There are better and brighter things around every corner. Just keep your head up and move on!

One of the major problems in my friendships was gossip. It's so easy to talk about other people and get into the trap of always hearing and spreading gossip. I know it's fun and everybody does it (you and I included) but there's a line we don't want to cross. I don't trust people who are always in other people's business cuz you can never tell when they're gonna turn on you and tell other people what you've said to them. I've learned my lesson the hard way and no matter how juicy the gossip is it's never worth breaking trust or losing friends. I want you to know that I will NEVER tell anyone about private matters in your life. I know you're a great girl and although I do trust you I need to know that I will never be the topic of your convos with other peeps, MKAY?! I tell you things that I don't want people knowing-you know more about me than anyone, so keep it between you and I.

Love ya girl ----- UNCONDITIONAL! <3

Fam... damn

I feel so... detached. Is it normal to wish you were at home when you know this is the very last time you're going to see one of your loved ones? My grandmother is nearing her death. It is so sad to see her feeble ways when I know that just 6 months ago she herself was working to take care of old-aged folks. The doctor's put her on prednisone which has caused her face to swell up. She also gained over one hundred pounds. The drug makes her weak and tired as well as confused. I hate seeing her like this. Even as a child I hardly knew her, but I know she was never like this before. I've been trying to converse with her and start a relationship but her current condition isn't allowing that whatsoever.

I've been keeping busy with my brother, trips to the local outdoor pool are frequent. I'm missing Lia, S, Shei, cage dancing, serving, money, sex, drugs, alcohol, going out, sleeping in my own bed, etc. All of these things are making me very agitated. I feel like I'm in a sick time-warp where I'm in a lazy 50's community Everything is quiet as ever, definitely not a place for the to thrive. The hot sticky air is nothing like home. The heat in a humid climate is so much more suffocating.

Shei moved back last week! That's another reason I want to get back home asap. She's living in residence at the university. It feels so surreal to have her back... We've been long-distance friends for longer than we actually knew each other before her father made her leave. He got a job in forestry where he made loads of cash, so off she went! I hope that now she`s back we can have a real relationship... if we haven't changed too much.

Lia needs me more than ever right now. She's been seeing this deadbeat on and off for the past few months. She finally decided to leave him, but when she did she realized how much she still loved him. This was at the same time that she found out that he had cheated on her for the SECOND time. Remember those sayings... "Once a cheater always a cheater!" & "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!" Hate to say I told ya so babe...

Horrible time with grandma + sex drive getting out of control + needy friends = Luxie's coming home early! THAT`S RIGHT!!!! Hoorah for last minute cancellations on flights.

Not my life... to be continued

Around the beginning of May I felt really sore after S and I had sex. I would get really swollen and my discharge had a nasty look to it. Then my lips started to swell up and stayed about 4 times their normal size. When the swelling still didn't go down after a few days I went to the doctor. My mom drove me to the clinic, and by this time I was practically in hysterics. Everyone stared at me in the doctor's office with worried looks.

By this time I was in so much pain that when my doctor tried to examine me I nearly passed out. She prescribed me tons of medication, mostly to treat yeast. I was too scared to admit it, but I knew that this was more than just your average yeast infection.

I was unable to close my legs let alone walk. Going to the bathroom felt like having a burning baby made of acid. I tried to have warm baths and pee in there to ease the pain, but nothing really helped. Therefore I avoided it for as long as possible causing severe discomfort, as you can imagine. I stayed in bed, hardly moving and doped up on my dad's sleeping pills for over a week. My symptoms were taking a turn for the worse. It looked like I had either contracted leprocy on my vag or else spilled boiling water it, both of which I was certain hadn't happened. My doctor prescribed me some more creams and finally the hell on my vag began to clear up.

Around this time (about two weeks after I had first felt like something was wrong) I noticed what looked like a heat rash around my anus and surrounding area. It was super itchy! I wasn't scheduled to see the doc again for a few days, and I wasn't in too much pain anymore so I wasn't too concerned. Nothing else really happened with it except that when I went to take a poo it was a little bit uncomfortable.

I laid down on the hard examining table and displayed my healthy vag to my doc proudly! Wonderful! Clearing up nicely, she said. My doc was happy to see that my severe yeast infection had cleared up, but when I told her about my new symtoms, I knew something completely different was going on. I rolled over onto my side...

"HERPES!"

I choked, I gagged, I cried. I couldn't even roll back over on the damn table. "What, what is it my dear, there's treatment, you'll be fine!" Doc's voice sounded so far away. It fell on deaf ears. I didn't speak to her, I couldn't bring myself to look in her eyes. I just felt so much... shame. How could this happen to me? I'm safe, I'm not a whore!! I'm not even promiscuous! The word STD STD STD STD STD ran over and over in my head and I couldn't help to think of the girl in my high school who had supposedly gotten with everyone. "STD queen" they had called her.

My doc prescribed valtrex. I hid it in my jacket as I floated outside to where my stepdad was waiting by the truck. I swear I almost threw up all over him. Between gasps for air a weird, unholy screach came out of me as if I myself were speaking the devil's words. "I have.... I have... I... herpes." Oh, shit. That's all he could say. We drove silently back to my house where I threw myself on my bed. I was in denile. It was all wrong... not me, not my life.

Supposedly I was lucky, my outbreak wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. They say the first one is the worst and like I said, mine wasn't worse than a few mosquito bites. My mom seemed like she pittied me. "Have you called S," she asked, "he did this you know." I didn't say anything, just held my stranger-body close. I went and sat on the front porch, and just when I thought I was about to die, I saw a baloon. It was a shining silver in the shape of a star. The hellium made it rise in to the sky, triumphant and full, like a true shining star all the way up in outer space.

Cash and Sex

I'm in the airport on my way to Toronto where I will catch a connecting flight to visit my G-Ma in Moncton, NB. I've been having some interesting encounters here in Ottawa! Max is a very charming frenchy-haitian living in Hull. He invited me out for Canada day and I ended up hanging out with a bunch of young black men! What's better than hanging out with 6 fine niggas? (I mean the n-word with only love!) 6 fine french niggas!! As I said it was quite the interesting experience, with a few truly humbling moments.

After the gorgeous fireworks on parliament hill we rushed to miss the line-ups at the club along with another 500 000 canadians. Cover, consequently, was pretty damn expensive so I had decided to purchase a VIP bracelet to avoid line-ups, etc. At the first club we went to Max wasn't allowed in because of how he was dressed. "Too baggy" was the reason. I was appauled. I'm not one to be seen with anyone who isn't respectable, and Max was dressed perfectly well in my opinion, much better than the 5 (white) beach bums who had just headed in before us.

We continue on, finally ending up at a hot but somehow dead club. Whatever, let's just get some drinks. "Let me show you boys how we go down in my town!!" I ordered us each a liquid cocaine, sour-jack, and heinekin. 3 drinks each- no big deal right?! The bill came to around $80 and I generously offered my share to Max. I was humiliated as the 4 guys proceeded to argue over who was going to pay the bill, and two of them refused to pay. The lovely drinks sat lonely on the bar for minutes that felt like hours as I looked pleedingly in everyone's eyes. Turns out these Ottawa boys are definitely NOT ballin. Finally Max generously picked up more than his share of the tab.

I felt really terrible and so, so embarrassed. I mean, where I come from my boys do not argue over money, especially petty cash they spend at the club. It really showed me how lucky I am to live in such a rich province. When you don't see anything but oil money being spilled everywhere it's easy to overlook poverty elsewhere. I believe that everyone you meet in life serves a purpose; to teach you something so to speak. Sweetheart Max showed me the reality, even in a rich country like Canada: Most people are not as ballin as I am.

He also made me realize how much I'm missin' S. I miss being his little princess/pornstar/schoolgirl. I'm S's queen and he makes sure I know it. Sure he may not be around as much as I'd like him to be, and yes, it is annoying when he doesn't return my calls when he says he will, but the more time I spend away from him, the more I realize how perfect he is for me. For one thing having his support is worth more than any money could buy. He keeps my nerves intact all while encouraging me to be better and giving me the tools to do it. I'm sure that if the sex weren't so damn crazy we'd be best friends at least!

I can't wait to go home and get naked with him! I want his strong presence, his huge hands teasing my body, big soft pillow lips moving down my neck. I wanna put my hands on his chest and trace his tatoos with my fingertips while I rub up on his dick. I wanna kiss his tip and then ride it slow, up and down, in and out. I want him to grab ahold of me and give it to me like he means it. Most of all, I wanna see his cum face!!

We are so passionate, every time we get in bed together I fall in love with him all over again. He is so gorgeous, sometimes I wake up and look beside me and think, "Is this real? Is this model of a man really mine, and does he really love me? Me, as in little Luxie schoolgirl?" It makes me feel so lucky but at the same time, a little insecure. He is just SUCH a great catch. Clever, beyond perfect looks, determined, disciplined, flirty, rich, ahhh!!!! I know everwhere he goes every girl (and her mom!!) are throwing themselves at him, and that's a little difficult to deal with.

I suppose the same thing happens to me, especially at work. I recently asked him if he ever gets jealous. "No," he replied, "I know you're a smart girl." See, S knows that he is the shit, and therefore I think he assumes that I would never fool around on him. Unfortunately I don't have that luxury, it's quite the opposite in fact. I assume that he would fool around on me, just because he is so out-of-this-world hot. Although I know I'm attractive and I know lots of guys want me I've always had this sneaking suspicion that S might be even better than me. You know when you walk down the street and see couples, I always compare them, see how they measure up against each other. And if I saw S and I walking, I'm pretty sure I'd say he could do better than me. I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT GIRL. I'm used to it being the other way around actually...

Oh well, what can you do? S's mine for now and that pleases me =) He sent me a wonderful e-mail today:

hi babs how r u i hope ur better den me wit my gimp knee. guess wat i mite have a bike wen u get back so i can take u for a ride!!!!but ya im really horny in need of my skool girl come back i cant wait i miss u babs. hayley been chillin wit me lately shes so fat n cute n pregnant lol n e ways ima call u later i wanna hear yo voice sorry bout da other day everytime we call eachother its jus bad timing xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


Aweeehh what a sweetheart! I'm missin my man =(