Fam... damn

I feel so... detached. Is it normal to wish you were at home when you know this is the very last time you're going to see one of your loved ones? My grandmother is nearing her death. It is so sad to see her feeble ways when I know that just 6 months ago she herself was working to take care of old-aged folks. The doctor's put her on prednisone which has caused her face to swell up. She also gained over one hundred pounds. The drug makes her weak and tired as well as confused. I hate seeing her like this. Even as a child I hardly knew her, but I know she was never like this before. I've been trying to converse with her and start a relationship but her current condition isn't allowing that whatsoever.

I've been keeping busy with my brother, trips to the local outdoor pool are frequent. I'm missing Lia, S, Shei, cage dancing, serving, money, sex, drugs, alcohol, going out, sleeping in my own bed, etc. All of these things are making me very agitated. I feel like I'm in a sick time-warp where I'm in a lazy 50's community Everything is quiet as ever, definitely not a place for the to thrive. The hot sticky air is nothing like home. The heat in a humid climate is so much more suffocating.

Shei moved back last week! That's another reason I want to get back home asap. She's living in residence at the university. It feels so surreal to have her back... We've been long-distance friends for longer than we actually knew each other before her father made her leave. He got a job in forestry where he made loads of cash, so off she went! I hope that now she`s back we can have a real relationship... if we haven't changed too much.

Lia needs me more than ever right now. She's been seeing this deadbeat on and off for the past few months. She finally decided to leave him, but when she did she realized how much she still loved him. This was at the same time that she found out that he had cheated on her for the SECOND time. Remember those sayings... "Once a cheater always a cheater!" & "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!" Hate to say I told ya so babe...

Horrible time with grandma + sex drive getting out of control + needy friends = Luxie's coming home early! THAT`S RIGHT!!!! Hoorah for last minute cancellations on flights.