my life in a nutshell (if that's possible...)

The past year of my life has been HANDS-DOWN the most exciting so far!! I am entering my second year out of high school and as I get older I feel I know less and less. Yes, I know it's cliche, but I guess it's cliche for a reason. There really isn't much I have accomplished during my first year out of high school besides making amazing memories! I'm looking forward to taking on some new challenges this year and making some tough life decisions. I need to get myself on track to dig myself out of the pay-check to pay-check bullshit situation I always seem to find myself in. Here's some info to summarize myself and my current situation

school: I did some upgrading last fall and completed a correspondence course during the springtime. I still need a couple of courses to be ready for University. I plan on taking a Bachelor of Phys. Ed. I need to complete French 30 and upgrade my Bio 30 before I meet the requirements. I do not want to attend University here; I think it is time to escape this freezing ice box hell hole!

work: About a year ago I became an exotic dancer!! Yes, it's true, my serving in the strip club and cage dancing was all that I needed to become comfortable with the idea and the environment. I started out just doing lap dances and eventually I had my very own stage show! I absolutely love it. The pole dancing classes I've been taking really help to tone the arms and abs. I'm in level 5 out of 8! MOVIN' up biatchhh!



there's one problem:

I had a fabulous opportunity come my way in the late spring to become a promotional model. I made it through auditions and was offered a contract. I'm not one to turn down an opportunity so of course, I took it! I really enjoy it, when I'm modeling I feel so exhilarated! I love being the center of attention... and it feels a lot different from when I'm dancing on stage in the club... When I'm modeling and promoting I feel like everyone is looking at me -- but not because I'm naked. It's a nice feeling.

The lady who owns the modeling company is also contracted to be the event planner at one of the best bars in my city. I asked her if she had any more modeling hours for me, which she didn't at the time. Fortunately she offered me a job as the promotions manager at the nightclub! I get to help plan the events, invite people to come, advertise, and make sure the events run smoothly. I've learned so much and I really enjoy it. It is very rewarding. I get to go out to any club I want ant skip the line and I have a swanky business card to hand out to everyone! I've met A LOT of bar managers and djs in the past year, it is awesome!!

BUT!!!

It doesn't pay very much. Next to nothing actually, and although there are perks, it just isn't enough. I'm used to a dancer's money(somehow I still managed to spend every penny of it though!). I stopped dancing about 4 months ago when I got the other jobs because if i happened to be recognized by anyone I wouldn't be allowed to represent the modeling company or the nightclub. I feel that although I am excelling at the nightclub and receiving recognition, it just isn't going to get me where I want to be in the future.

5 year plan: I want to be going to University somewhere other than my hometown within the next 5 years. I plan to do this by making lots of money dancing, saving up, and making myself comfortable with a place to stay, car, etc. I don't want to worry about bills when I'm in school, and I have no interest in being a "struggling student". My parents do not have "big money" so in order to get the lifestyle I want I have to take things into my own hands.

Now as you can see working at a nightclub is not a part of my plan. It won't get me anywhere closer to moving away or university. I am so torn because my family is very proud of my promotions manager job, and if my mom knew I was dancing again it would kill her... This is one of the "life decisions" that I mentioned earlier. TIME TO GROW UP AND FIGURE SHIT OUT.

dudes: S and I broke up about 6 months ago... I realized he loves his money more than he would ever love me and I just didn't trust him. He was way too money minded and I think his priorities were wack! Since then I had some really really hot sex with an ex. We will call him Dino. We dated before S and I got together for a couple of months. He broke up with me between Christmas and new years 2 years ago. What a jerk!! Whatever though, I'm over it, he is very good looking and a great fuck.

After that I had one boyfriend for about 4 months who was very much the opposite of S. I knew I was rebounding, but I just didn't have the will power to stop myself. Eventually his constant jealousy and insecurity caused me to break up with him.

Now I am seeing this guy named Kenneth. He went to my high school and hanging out with him reminds me of back then! He isn't the kind of guy I would normally date, which is why I plan on making him my fuckbuddy. This is strange to me because I am normally a relationship sort of girl. But I am sick of boyfriends, and I want to try something new! He is very outgoing and also a Gemini!

Positives: He has a great family who I get along with and love hanging out with. I find him attractive. He has a good job (mechanic). His friends all like me. He likes when I hang with him and his friends. He is VERY fun to go out with, we love dancing together. We have things in common like our taste in music, lifestyle, and bars and party favors.

Negatives: He still lives at home. He is a "fratboy" meaning that he has a huge group of guy friends and they all get together all the time and watch hockey. like ALL THE TIME. He has had 1 serious relationship and I don't know if he is completely over her?? We had sex for the first time after about 3 weeks. It was great ... for a little while ! Until he was struck with "coke-dick" ( limpness resluting from excessive use of cocaine.) I was looking forward to our second time, assuming that it would be great and he would be able to cum. He did cum -- after 2 minutes! His drunkness was his excuse. The morning after I was looking forward to some really good fucking. 3 minutes.

I guess I need practice picking fuck buddies??

friends: Shei is still my best friend. She is in high school still and has a different lifestyle than be but we get along. All of my other friends are flaky. It is my mission to find some more good friends.

family: my mom and step dad have decided to get divorced. I am happy for them because I don't think it is fair to either of them to be unhappy. My little bro is in 7th grade and I am living vicariously through him. He went to a party and had shots yesterday!!